Wednesday, May 21, 2014

That Time I Kicked a Hole in the Bedroom Door

Also known as this past Monday...

I was home with Luna for the day with just a couple things on the To-Do List. It may have been such a glorious morning and shopping trip that the thought "I'm like a Super-Mom today!" crossed my mind.  But then we got home and a series of events unfolded so quickly that my PMS-hormonal mind didn't even have time to process them. (In a matter of a mere 3 minutes!)

We got home from grocery shopping and I ask Luna to wait while I grab as many bags as my arms can hold and then Luna starts climbing up the cement stairs to the upstairs neighbors. We usually let her go up a couple but this time she's a little over half way up. I ask her repeatedly to come down so we can go inside. Usually she listens pretty well. Not today. My arms are full of groceries. It's heavy. I kind of have to pee and she's deciding she doesn't want to listen. I tell her she needs to come down and sit in time out and thankfully she finally listens.

FrazzleBean
The Sometimes Frazzle-Inducing Toddler

That was okay,  I think. Luna walks inside and sits in her timeout spot. I'm slightly flustered at this point hoping it will be a peaceful and good timeout. I hurry up and unload all the bags on the floor then take the dog immediately to the back outside so he can go outside to pee.

I still have to pee but of course that can't happen yet. I tell Luna to wait in time out while I run outside real quick to get the last couple bags. This may or may not work. She's not even two but miraculously when I come back in 30 seconds later she's still sitting in time out. Whew. I have an amazing child. I do the whole "Do you remember why you're in time out?" spiel and she starts getting silly and not really listening and I admit it annoyed me, but we worked through it and finished the spiel. It's okay. I can handle that.


The dog is barking this whole time I'm talking to Luna. I go run to let the dog in. Finally it's my chance to go the bathroom! I go and pee and walk back in the main room and the f*#king dog is peeing on the grocery bags, specifically a half opened one with fruit and produce in it. I JUST LET HIM OUT AND HE IS PEEING ON MY DAMN GROCERIES! I am furious at this point. All I want to do is scream obscenities at the dog.

I have a small child. I cannot scream obscenities at the dog at the top of my lungs because then she will scream obscenities at the dog at the top of her lungs.

Cute Dog
The Cute and Innocent Looking Chihuahua

I admit I do raise my voice somewhat and command the dog to go back outside. He's not listening. This infuriates me more. I have to physically pick him up and put him outside while he barks and tries to bite me (aren't chihuahuas lovely?). All the while I'm trying to remain as calm as possible in front of Luna.

Luna is in the way and not listening and won't leave the room. I'm a little annoyed with her but I deal with it. I try to guide Luna back into the living room but she's too interested in the dog barking at the back door so I physically have to guide her back the living room.

Still furious but trying my damndest to summon all calming energy to my soul (Spoiler alert: It wasn't working) I try to quickly shut the bedroom door behind us so Luna doesn't run back in there and...I slam my finger in the door. 

I'm pretty sure was the tipping point.

Again, for the second time in less than three minutes I feel like screaming obscenities at the top of my lungs and cannot. My body couldn't hold it in any longer and released its rage in a backward kick to the bedroom door.

It wasn't a super hard kick or big kick but apparently the cheap apartment doors and the perfect angle and placement of my heel was just enough for my foot to go halfway through the door.


The Hole

My finger is throbbing, I just kicked a hole in the door, and my loving child looking at me like I'm crazy. I instinctively dropped to the floor. Luna immediately came to sit in my lap and I just sat and hugged her and literally laughed out loud at the sillyness of it all and the fact that I just kicked a hole in the bedroom door. I must have looked pretty crazy.

-Mrs. 246

Series of Events

P.S. Why share this somewhat embarrassing story? Because I love reading about moms' not-so-perfect moments and figured someone else might too. We all have them and not everyone shares them in the internet world/social media. Sometimes online we like to put up the persona that life is perfect and everything is awesome in real life. Let's stop lying to each other: we all have our mess ups and sometimes they're hilarious and sometimes you aren't your best and you're not Super-Mom/wife/student/ect and that's okay. 

Feel free to share any of your not-so-perfect moments in the comments. I'd love to hear them! We can all laugh together at how crazy we are.

4 comments:

  1. This is hilarious! But I do sympathize with you! Why oh why would your dog do that?! Also, everything is an emergency/disaster when I have to pee. And that's a lot!

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    1. My dog would do that because he's an asshole. There. I said it. We have an ongoing joke that he will pee on anything you love. Makes for a lot of cleaning but it does help keep the house clean because before we go anywhere we must make sure everything is cleaned up off the floor. It's a good thing he's cute and loveable because I wouldn't put up with it otherwise.

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  2. Alexandrea, you are a great writer and a great mama! Keep up the good work on both fronts. I've never kicked in a door, but I did rip a cabinet door in half when I only meant to open it.We moms are strong!! =)

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    1. Thank you for such kind words! I had to laugh at your cabinet comment. I had another friend from my FB tell me that when she kicked a door she actually kicked her foot all the way through it. Lol. Apparently everyone is doing stuff like this and just not talking about it. Hahaha.

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