Isn't Luna cute? Just chillin' in the January sunshine in her new shopping cart cover. This is a big day for me. Ms. Luna is almost 7 months old and this is the first time I've taken her anywhere by myself. It's a little embarrassing, especially for a mother. We're supposed to be some sort of baby superheros. How did it get to this point do you ask? It's a combination of a couple of things:
- Convenience: The first month after she was born, Ryan was home and I was recovering from a C-Section. Then I went back to work and Ryan was a stay at home dad. Usually Ryan and I like to do everything together so Luna was always included, but Ryan was with me. Or if I wanted to run somewhere real quick I'd just take myself. No point in packing up a baby if Ryan was home.
- Fear: I've passed out my fair share of times. (Okay, only like 3-4 times, but I come very close from time to time.) We think it's because of my blood sugar. When I was still in the hospital with Luna I was breastfeeding in an armchair with her and I'm not sure if it was my sugar or the drugs, or what, but I almost passed out right then and hit the nurse button and prayed that they would get there to rescue Luna if I was gonna pass out and she would fall to the floor. They got her in time, I smashed some juice and everything was fine (well, after I stopped crying for 20 minutes 'cause it scared me so bad, I think the nurses thought I was crazy. They didn't know of my history of fainting). Who wants to take a small baby anywhere when there is a possibility of you passing out??? I would hate to even think of what would happen. I made sure I was well fed today.
- Anxiety: About 2 summers ago I went through a super anxious period. I think I was really stressed about the terrible job I had at the time, but I'd have these horrible anxiety attacks and have to concentrate on my breathing and talk myself down, the whole she-bang. (I even quit drinking coffee which helped tremendously. Bring on the tea now!) A couple times I would go to the store by myself and I'd get super anxious and experience that good old familiar fainting feeling. I've been better since, but from time to time I will get anxious thinking "What if I get anxious?!" (Stupid, I know.) So yea, I kind of didn't want to take Luna anywhere 'cause I was scared I'd get anxious. Haha.
- Possibly Embarrassment: Luna is a perfect child. She hardly ever fusses or cries and anything horrible that people complain about. But I build up scenarios in my mind where she is flipping out and I can't handle it and all sorts of people are watching and judging and all the while Luna is just wailing and I am a horrible mother. Of course, this never happens, but sometimes my imagination runs away with things like this. I better be prepared, I hear children embarrass you quite a bit once they're a bit older.
Anyway, pumping is done! Luna just woke up, and now it's time to play!