Luna and Mommy's Big Day Out

Isn't Luna cute? Just chillin' in the January sunshine in her new shopping cart cover. This is a big day for me. Ms. Luna is almost 7 months old and this is the first time I've taken her anywhere by myself. It's a little embarrassing, especially for a mother. We're supposed to be some sort of baby superheros. How did it get to this point do you ask? It's a combination of a couple of things:

• Convenience: The first month after she was born, Ryan was home and I was recovering from a C-Section. Then I went back to work and Ryan was a stay at home dad. Usually Ryan and I like to do everything together so Luna was always included, but Ryan was with me. Or if I wanted to run somewhere real quick I'd just take myself. No point in packing up a baby if Ryan was home.
• Fear: I've passed out my fair share of times. (Okay, only like 3-4 times, but I come very close from time to time.) We think it's because of my blood sugar. When I was still in the hospital with Luna I was breastfeeding in an armchair with her and I'm not sure if it was my sugar or the drugs, or what, but I almost passed out right then and hit the nurse button and prayed that they would get there to rescue Luna if I was gonna pass out and she would fall to the floor. They got her in time, I smashed some juice and everything was fine (well, after I stopped crying for 20 minutes 'cause it scared me so bad, I think the nurses thought I was crazy. They didn't know of my history of fainting). Who wants to take a small baby anywhere when there is a possibility of you passing out??? I would hate to even think of what would happen. I made sure I was well fed today.
• Anxiety: About 2 summers ago I went through a super anxious period. I think I was really stressed about the terrible job I had at the time, but I'd have these horrible anxiety attacks and have to concentrate on my breathing and talk myself down, the whole she-bang. (I even quit drinking coffee which helped tremendously. Bring on the tea now!) A couple times I would go to the store by myself and I'd get super anxious and experience that good old familiar fainting feeling. I've been better since, but from time to time I will get anxious thinking "What if I get anxious?!" (Stupid, I know.) So yea, I kind of didn't want to take Luna anywhere 'cause I was scared I'd get anxious. Haha.
• Possibly Embarrassment: Luna is a perfect child. She hardly ever fusses or cries and anything horrible that people complain about. But I build up scenarios in my mind where she is flipping out and I can't handle it and all sorts of people are watching and judging and all the while Luna is just wailing and I am a horrible mother. Of course, this never happens, but sometimes my imagination runs away with things like this. I better be prepared, I hear children embarrass you quite a bit once they're a bit older.

Today, however, was fine. No one passed out, no one got anxious, no one cried, we all survived. Maybe I'll have some more mommy and me shopping trips to give Mr. 246 a break. Maybe not. We miss him when he's not around. :) So yes, a monumental day indeed. It's somewhat embarrassing, but it's okay. I really just think the main reason is that I don't want to pass out anywhere with her around. Gah! How horrible would that be? I don't feel as bad about being home with her by myself though. I'm okay with that. I think it's because of the security factor. I'm sure some momma somewhere has gone through this as well so I won't be to hard on myself. I'm quite proud of myself for today however, though.

Anyway, pumping is done! Luna just woke up, and now it's time to play!
-Ms. 246